Petal & Spade Landscaping by Cristin

08/30/2026

🚨 I NEED ANSWERS, GULFPORT. 🚨

I saw something this week that has shaken me to my horticultural core.

I honestly did not know this was possible, and emotionally I am NOT prepared to process it.

For privacy reasons—and because apparently you cannot stalk your customers simply because their landscaping defies the laws of nature—I will NOT post a picture of their home.

But it’s in Gulfport.

And I KNOW what I saw. 👀

This house has flower beds that COMPLETELY wrap around the entire home.

Not a cute little front flower bed.

THE WHOLE DAMN HOUSE.

Plus several additional gardens.

And y’all…

Hear me when I say this. 👏👏👏

NOT. ONE. DAMN. PIECE. OF. TORPEDO. GRASS.

NOT ONE.

NOT EVEN ONE FRACKING BLADE.

And before anybody says, “Maybe you just didn’t see it…”

OH, I SAW.

I WEEDed THOSE BEDS FOR TWO DAMN DAYS.

I was IN THERE.

Hands in the dirt.
Moving plants.
Digging around roots.
Inspecting every square inch like the damn FBI.

And you know what I pulled?

NORMAL GRASS.

Regular, law-abiding, knows-when-it’s-been-defeated GRASS.

And about SIX DOLLAR WEEDS.

That’s it.

TWO DAYS.

Flower beds around an ENTIRE HOUSE plus additional gardens…

SIX. DAMN. DOLLAR. WEEDS.

Meanwhile, everywhere else on the Mississippi Gulf Coast, torpedo grass is growing through mulch, cardboard, landscape fabric, concrete, childhood trauma and probably the foundations of our homes.

But not here.

NOT. ONE. BLADE.

Do you understand how suspicious this is???

I have dug torpedo grass roots so deep into the Earth I expected to come up in China.

I have followed those little white demon roots through flower beds like I was tracking Pablo Escobar.

I KNOW TORPEDO GRASS.

And these people have NONE.

So now I have questions.

Who are you?

What do you know?

Who taught you?

What ancient Gulf Coast gardening ritual are you performing under a full moon?

Are goats involved?

Did you sell your soul?

Is there a pentagram underneath the mulch?

DOES THE TORPEDO GRASS KNOW NOT TO CROSS YOUR PROPERTY LINE???

Because at this point, I refuse to believe this was accomplished through ordinary gardening.

These people are witches. 🧙‍♀️🌿

And before anybody gets offended—

I AM NOT ACCUSING THEM.

I AM ASKING TO JOIN THE COVEN.

Please.

I will bring snacks.

I will sign an NDA.

I will participate in whatever ceremony is required.

I will stand barefoot in the flower beds under a full moon chanting “BE GONE, SATAN GRASS” if that’s what it takes.

Just teach me how you convinced torpedo grass that your property is a NO-FLY ZONE.

Gulfport Garden Witches…

PETAL & SPADE IS LOOKING FOR YOU.

Teach me your ways. 🙌😂🌿

08/28/2026

Dad, you simply raised your sails, caught the wind, and sailed beyond the horizon to a shore I cannot see.

My sails can’t reach you right now. I feel so lost without you, but I know you will always be there to guide me and help me find my way.

Fair winds and following seas, Dad.
I love you. I miss you more than words can say. Always.

08/25/2026

08/19/2026

As most people know, I’m a former Irish Wolfhound owner, so every single time I see these two majestic beasts, I’m DONE. ❤️🐺

There is absolutely no way to explain the love and the enormous hearts inside Irish Wolfhounds. They are massive, ridiculous, gentle, soulful creatures who somehow take up half a room and your entire heart.

So naturally, today’s job-site supervisors demanded payment in Cheerios.

I paid immediately. I know my place. 😂

They supervised until it got hot, then took their giant Irish asses back inside to the air conditioning for a nap while I stayed outside fighting weeds.

Management has boundaries.

But sitting there on the rocks, sweaty, dirty, feeding Cheerios to two Irish Wolfhounds while supposedly being at “work,” it hit me again:

I freaking LOVE what I do. And I freaking love my life. 🌿❤️

I get to play in the dirt, transform beautiful spaces, meet incredible people, and occasionally get paid in moments like this.

I worked a long damn time to build a life that feels like mine.

And apparently it comes with Irish Wolfhound supervisors.

I’ll take it. Every single time.

Petal & Spade Landscaping 🌿
Come for the weeds. Stay because I may claim your dogs.

08/07/2026

I am nowhere near as afraid of snakes as I am of whatever prehistoric, judgmental demon this is.

This bastard has taken up residence between me and my water and is staring at me like I’m trespassing.

And before anybody says, “It’s just a grasshopper” — these pictures were taken using every ounce of zoom technology Apple has provided me. I was NOT up in his personal space. We have boundaries.

Sir, you have thighs like a rotisserie chicken, armor plating, and the facial expression of someone who knows exactly how I’m going to die.

I’ll take the snake. 🐍

The water can stay. I’ll dehydrate. 🦗💀

07/31/2026

Ok peeps. 🐥

Has your yard gone completely feral? Are the weeds out there acting like they pay the mortgage? Has your HOA or that one nosy neighbor started doing slow drive-bys while clutching their pearls? 👀😂

Good news… I have a few openings before I start my next round of large projects.

I’ll yank those freeloading weeds straight back to the gates of hell, give your flower beds the glow-up they deserve, and have your neighbors wondering if you secretly hired a TV makeover crew.

If your judgy neighbor asks who did it… that’s between you, me, and Jesus. 😏

And please, for the love of all things holy, don’t Facebook message me. I check Messenger about as often as I floss my cat's teeth. Just call or text me.

📞 228-860-7279

Cristin
Petal & Spade Landscaping 🌿

07/13/2026

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1BNPrRLNh9/?mibextid=wwXIfr

07/08/2026

It’s 11:30 at night…

Logan: “Mom… Mom… MOM!”

Me: “What?!”

Logan: “There’s a snake in the kitchen.”

Me: “Don’t you F@$% with me.”

Logan: “I’m serious.”

Cue the screaming.

Turns out my neighbors can apparently sleep through what sounded like a full-blown murder.

So there I was… chasing a snake through my house with nothing but a classic yellow Pirates 🏴‍☠️ Cove cup.

Me: screaming like I’m being chased by Satan himself.

Logan: “Why are you screaming? It can’t hurt you.”

Sir… we are not using logic during a snake emergency. We are using panic.

I’m pretty sure the little freeloading danger noodle hitched a ride home in one of my landscaping bags.

So… Janet and Allen… y’all are officially down one pet. 😂

Good news: I caught him with my Pirates Cove cup and released him safely outside.

🐍🏃‍♀️☠️




Janet Baker
Allen Baker
Pirate's Cove

07/08/2026

My spirit animal ❤️

07/06/2026

Ran into Dale aka Brad Pitt. Most beautiful boy ever ❤️