Jack Of Trades

09/04/2026

Hand Sanitizer: Fluid used for pinpointing previously unnoticed knuckle rash and other miscellaneous lacerations. Cannot be used surreptitiously due to scent and sound. Implemented BEFORE bathroom use (blue-collar rule).

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09/02/2026

Big things coming.

08/28/2026

TOOL FRIDAY: Tool pouch - F***y pack for tradesmen, this critical storage belt is designed to hold tools, fasteners, and the odd plumbing or electrical bit. More commonly found holding bent nails, and sawdust, all models come standard with self-cleaning function, rolling out of the truck and scattering contents around the parking lot.

08/21/2026

TOOL FRIDAY: Block Plane - Antique tool for creating rough and jagged edges on otherwise straight, smooth surfaces like door edges and rustic boards. Shape is somewhat misleading as the flat, shiny bottom rarely results in a matching surface. Bonus features include production of curly shavings for wind distribution around shop floor.

08/14/2026

TOOL FRIDAY: 4 ft. Level - Long, straight, metal bar designed to confirm suspicion that your builder was more interested in speed than accuracy. Prefers lying in the mud to remaining upright against any solid surface. Also useful for occupying the rookie: dispatched to the truck to look for “level bubbles”.

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08/07/2026

08/07/2026

TOOL FRIDAY: Unobtanium - primary material used in the manufacture of pre-80’s car and motorcycle parts. Rarer than gold and more expensive, this substance can be sometimes found in trace amounts at flea markets, swap meets, and the neighborhood yard no one wants to go near.

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07/31/2026

TOOL FRIDAY: Rubber Mallet - When a small dent just isn’t enough. This tool often inspires a false sense of security and performs best on surfaces where only one side of the material is accessible. Rarely useful for persuading intended movement.

07/24/2026

TOOL FRIDAY: Timing Light - An antique stroboscopic instrument for setting ignition timing and illuminating grease buildup in your engine bay. From the era of distributor caps, carburetors, and glasspacks.

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