Pickamee

30/11/2022

27/11/2022

On the bright side, this whole, long, painful experience has caused me to make some positive lifestyle changes in my life. I've cut my caffine intake down to half so far. I've also cut down on smoking by half and I'm taking my vitamins and extra calcium, D3 and vitamin K regularly and I'm eating much healthier as well. Those are good things that I should have done a very long time ago and stuck to them. I will never take my health for granted again. See, I started menopause at the age of 38. Since then, my health has deteriorated over the past 16 years. I had cataract surgery in my 40's. I went from having 20/20 vision all of my life to needing bifocals within a year. My skin has thinned out like "old people's skin". I'm only 54, by the way. Other things have happened and now I have Osteoporsis. I have to wonder how much of this has been caused by the medication that I take for Bipolar Disorder. I ask this because I only have hot flashes after I take it every night. I started taking medication around the same time that I went into menopause. It may be a coincidence, I don't know. ....just some more thoughts. I miss my best friend. I'd talk to her about this if we were still friends but she has abandoned me. Now I have no one to talk to. I'm just lonely and scared and in pain. I haven't been hugged since we stopped being friends 3 months ago. I miss that. If it weren't for my cats, I wouldn't speak outloud all day long some days. Yep, I talk to my cats. I'm that lonely.

27/11/2022

The pain is unreal. Moving, getting up to go to the bathroom, picking up something off of the floor, anything is extra painful and the pain lasts for what seems like forever before it subsides to the "normal" pain. I'm constantly constipated because I get no exercis and because I can't "push" . These 2 new fractures are in my mid and upper back. There's allot of swelling involved and contracting muscles, making taking a regular breath very painful and difficult. I'm in so much pain that I can't eat much and have lost 15 pounds, making me look awful. I know that I do but I can't help it. I don't go out much because I look so bad. Even brushing my hair is extra painful. Anyway. I just have to get this out as I have no one to talk to about any of this. I'm so scared that it's just going to keep happening until each and every vertebre has been fractured. I don't know what happens then and I'm terrified to find out. God, please let this end. Please help me to get back to my life. I miss it so much.

26/11/2022

Another 2 fractures since yesterday evening! I'm so, so sick of this! When will it end!? I haven't told anyone about these....no one wants to hear it....except for Eric and that's only because he caught me crying.

23/11/2022

I have absolutely no one to talk to. I lost my best friend so, now I'm alone. I'm going through one of the most frightening times of my life right now and I'm doing it alone. I've been in bed with a fractured spine for the past 3 months, unable to sit up or to walk very far. I can drive, with an ice pack shoved down the back of my pants so, that's good. But, I can't do much else. I found out that I have Osteoporsis, which means that a new fracture can happen at any time just by moving wrong or by coughing like these other 4 happened. Well, now it's 5 because I have a brand new one that just happened on Sunday evening. I must have coughed or something to cause it. I really don't remember because they don't hurt right away. I do put all of this on my newsfeed, on FB but that's only because I'm so alone with this and I need some sort of support. I'm scared to move. I'm lonely and bored. Being still is so hard for me but that's exactly what I'm supposed to do. I can't paint anymore so, I have nothing to do and no extra income. I'm in constant pain and I want to cry but I just can't because Eric will hear me and it will upset him. So, I hold it all in. No one really wants to hear about all of this so, what's the point of calling someone to talk? Since there's nothing else going on in my life, it would be one boring conversation. So, I just keep as quiet as I can and pray constantly. Just needed to put this all out there somewhere and this felt like a safe place to do so.

13/10/2022

😼😹😹 Probably at least ten grammatical errors...

13/10/2022

Sun Gazing

07/10/2022

Absolutely 🥰

07/10/2022

;)