Durham Sweep Chimney Sweep.

27/08/2026

WOOD YOU BELIEVE IT!

He was in the ladies bedroom,
He could not believe his eyes,
He saw a pair of knickers,
So he checked them out for size,

He thought that they looked comfy,
So he quickly put them on,
Same colour as his tool belt,
Now has a matching thong,

He headed to the dresser,
Then looked at his reflection,
Looking good he held his wood,
In a northerly direction,

The lady of the house returned,
Had he worn them for a bet,
The joiner in her underwear,
It’s a sight she won’t forget,

She rang the police immediately,
Quickly they attended,
They took down his particulars,
Then the man was apprehended,

Wearing ladies underwear,
It may not be a crime,
But it’s best to ask permission,
Or you’ll end up doing time!

26/08/2026

X RATED SWEEP!

Today we went to Hexham,
We stopped at Maccy D,
A day out on the e bikes,
Just Suzie Friend & me,

Whilst waiting for my Happy Meal,
I got a big surprise,
Charlie The Chimney Sweep & Sooty,
I could not believe my eyes,

A book about a chimney sweep,
It sat upon the shelf,
With stories so bold - that need to be told,
It could be about myself,

It gave me an idea,
I need to write a book,
I’ve stories to tell - that are sure to sell,
All I need is a bit of good luck,

My stories will all be X rated,
My book will stand high on the shelf,
Chimney confessions and sweeping obsessions,
Explicitly told by myself!

17/08/2026

THE FINAL CURTAIN!

My favourite actress,
Admired from afar,
A beautiful woman,
A true superstar,

Helen Mc Crory,
You’ve left us too soon,
The smile on your face,
It would light up the room,

The roles that you played,
With such passion and flair,
Will be a reminder,
Even though you’re not there,

You’ve touched lots of people, Throughout your short life,
Not only an actress,
But a mother and wife,

You lost your last battle,
To the terrible C, The curtains come down, Sleep tight - RIP!

13/08/2026

13/08/2026

ECLIPSE!

High on a hill,
Looking up to the heavens,
Moors all around,
Near the A57,

Snake Pass our location,
The sun shining bright,
The moon slowly blanks it,
A wonderful sight,

30 minutes we’ve waited,
With our special sun glasses,
A marvellous sight,
How quick the time passes,

The Glorious 12th,
There’s no birds in sight,
The evening draws on,
As the day turns to night!

Once in a lifetime,
We won’t see it again,
A day making memories,
Forever etched on our brain!

06/08/2026

A FISHY TALE!

It’s Thursday night - so it’s fish & chips ,
At Melsonby - Black Bull,
We made our reservation,
As often it gets full,

Fish & chips supplied by Lockeys,
Their food is all top quality,
Refreshments served by Elaine & Niall,
Guest beer’s their speciality,

The 20th August,
A date you need to keep,
If you’re able - book a table,
I recommend it - Durham Sweep!

03/08/2026

THE COMPANY MAN!

Fifty years at work John toiled,
Then on retirement day,
A shake of a hand - and nothing else planned,
They waved and sent him away,

John awoke next morning,
His job was his identity,
He knew not who he was - that was because,
Now he’s an unknown entity,

He’d given his life to the company,
Bit by bit he gave it in stages,
In return for a little brown envelope,
Inside every week were his wages,

He’d built up a nice little nest egg,
With his pension and a government ISA,
But he felt all alone - when sitting at home,
Retirement he thought - would be nicer,

A new boy arrived at the company,
Suited booted and neat,
Fresh looking and clean - obviously keen,
He thought his life was complete,

He was there to make changes,
New ideas - he had a lot,
Now John had gone - he was the one,
Poor John - well he was forgot!

02/08/2026

02/08/2026

SOS - Special offer Sweep!

Time to sweep your chimney,
No need for a commotion,
Make a call to Durham Sweep,
For his latest sweep promotion,

It isn’t him who does it,
He leaves it up to you,
He’ll supply you with equipment,
Then tell you what to do,

He’ll fetch the gear to your house,
Then after an induction,
He’ll give you tips on using whips,
With step by step instruction,

A truly bespoke service,
I’m sure you’ll all agree,
It’s really nice - at only twice the price,
Of his usual sweeping fee!

This offer’s very limited,
With numbers strictly set,
The Durham Sweep Experience,
For a day you won’t forget!