11/01/2026
Good morning my fellow Berwickers, and happy New Year.
Christmas was coosty. I got a life size cardboard cut-out of Bob Ross and every Bob Ross painting box set ever made. The man now stands in my living room watching over me like one of those Crimewatch h***y stickers you see in shop windows. Every time I look at him I feel inspired.
Only problem is ma dog Clarity keeps trying to chew his leg off. Same thing that my Jeremy Kyle ex was doing up and down highcliffe.. must be in the witta.
Back in the day my idol was Rolf Harris. We all know how that panned out.
Always asking “can you tell what it is yet?” and most of the time, aye, I could. Same issue I had with my love life. Usually trouble. Often older. Sometimes wearing too much ‘gold’. Less is more these days, in colour and in age.
New year. New me!
Bob Ross was the GOAT (special mention to Alan ‘Michelangelo’ Johnson though.)
Bobs Calm voice. Happy little trees. No shouting. No drama. Unlike big Beakle when the Mace has no cans in. Never seen such drama in the Mace since blackjacks capture Jennifer streaked there back in the day. Tell you what, I would argue that Ferme la bouche had a different meaning when we clapped eyes on her chi! 🦫
Second place goes to Neil Buchanan from Art Attack. A solid influence. I grew up glued to that show. Couldn’t see much of it because my mam had Ceefax on see-through, but I got the idea. Pens. Sticky back plastic. Sellotape. Absolute anarchy. That show rewired my brain and explains a lot about my life choices.
That’s where it all started.
Fast forward to now. Business is flying. Still out here inspiring the good people of Berwick, one wall at a time. Give me a bland wall and a tin of Dulux eggshell and I’m happy as anything. Skirting boards in matt emulsion? That’s my Art Attack moment right there. No budget. No plan. Just vibes and paint.
So if you want your house to look like a proper Art Attack project in 2026, give me a bell.
I’m here.
Bob Ross is watching.
And I no longer date women who remember decimalisation.
