09/10/2026
⛽️ Defibrillator at Pump 2! ⛽️
👏 ANDY, YOU ABSOLUTE VISIONARY!!
People are struggling to afford petrol, families are watching every penny, and filling your car up now requires a small mortgage and a letter of permission from your bank manager.
🦸🏼♀️ But fear not, ladies and gentlemen, because Burnham has come riding over the horizon like a financially responsible Batman.
His plan?! GOOGLE MAPS !!
That’s right. Not cheaper fuel. Not a reduction in fuel duty. Not anything that actually makes the b😵💫stard stuff more affordable.
No. He’s proudly announcing that we can now look at a little map and see WHICH petrol station is going to financially bum us the gentlest. GROUNDBREAKING STUFF THIS !!
And the best bit? Google Maps has been showing fuel prices in various places for YEARS. So he’s effectively stood up, puffed his chest out and announced the invention of something that’s already bloody existed.!
What’s next, Andy?!
At this rate, next week’s big announcement will be that he’s discovered you can save money on your electricity bill by TURNING THE FU***NG LIGHTS OFF!!!
Honestly, we’ve got people running this country who’d turn up to a house fire, hand you a thermometer and congratulate themselves for helping you understand the temperature.
ABSOLUTE PLANK!!
