15/09/2024
When I was a small bespectacled boy at Keswick School of Statecraft and Trickery my father gave to me a powerful Cloak of Invisibility to shield me from Conservative bullies. Though the coat-tails are worn in places, it has served me well in my role as MP (Missing Person). With a sweep of my magic wand I made the Winter Fuel Allowance disappear too! You're next Tories.... Abracadabra!